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As I grew bolder I told her quite honestly that, though she had a boyfriend, I wanted her to cuddle up against me. For warmth, since there was only one blanket, that wouldn’t break any rules. And so I found myself wrapped around her, snuggling in the darkness. We moved on to sexual topics, growing bolder as the stars grew brighter. I told her all the things I wanted to do with her, to her even though she was off limits. The energy had to go somewhere, anywhere, and I started tapping my fingers against the bench. Any time I wanted to do something, I’d tap against the metal or her leg or arm, and she knew what it meant. It clearly turned her on just to know I wanted her and was yearning for her. We were so close and getting closer to breaking rules and crossing boundaries and nearing the inevitable point of no return before the police car rolled into the clearing and flashed its blinding light across us. The mood was crushed, but I was determined. After dealing with the officer and. She mutters something in my ear like she's tryingto give me a secret message out of my husband's hearing but the onlything I can make out is "so hot." My vision seems to be scoping in andout, mostly out. I can only see two inches in front of me at any giventime.My husband is now holding the door to the room open. "Good bye," I'msaying, "good bye."* * *Did I leave her smell on me purposely to punish myself? To punish myhusband? To somehow avenge Cassie? Or do I want to bring her to bed withus, after all, in some symbolic way. I imagine her alone right now inthat horrible motor lodge, feeling even crappier than I do, rejected,smoking a cigarette on that stale bed, watching that awful porn,explicit as open heart surgery, her life projected back at her from themirrored wall. Knock it off. She probably dressed and split shortlyafter we did. She's probably done this so many times she's hardenedherself to a percentage of no-shows and no-gos. It comes with theterritory."Maybe she.
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